Something New,Yet Old
by Madison Darkblade
Summary: Title really sucks.Dally and Johnny alive Ponyboy awakens from a coma and finds out that everything he believed to happen was a dream. JohnnyPonyboy pairing but also a love triangle including Soda.
1. Default Chapter

Pony's Pov

I feel the hot tears forming in my grey-green eyes as Johnny's final breath is released from his body taking his life and beautiful soul far away from me. Eventhough the tears are there I can't cry, I'm too numb to allow those warm, liquid drops to trail down my cheeks. Dally's fist connect with the wall before he rushes out. _No, Dally, you can't die, too_. I already know that he will willingly surrender to death. As always though I awake panting before he falls prey to the police's bullets. Rubbing my eyes I absorb the white walls and familar faces to those I care about. A soft, beeping sound repeats itself in a steady rythm. "Where am I," I ask hoarsly. They all race to my bedside and eagerly stare at me wondering what I will say next. "Hey Pony," a boyish voice says and instantly I reconize the gentleness of it with it's undercurrent of pain and fear, a voice that breaks my heart because it belongs to the boy I loss. My breathing quickens as my heart pounds and I release a chocked sob. "I saw you die," I mummer and his eyes darken with confusion and hurt that tears my heart apart. I must admit that he's the only one that can do this to me. I already know that this is anouther one of my sick, twisted dreams that are meant to torture me. I look around frightened and ask in a shaking voice "Why am I here?" Darry brushes my hair back, and desperatly I want him to act like my brother and not some man I don't know trying to replace my father, saying " You've been in a coma since the Soc's jumped you." Guilt fills his eyes and I hug him finanly releasing those tears . _You don't know how badly I wish this would end up being true and not some fantasy my mind is conguering up_.

I release Darry and raise my eyes to meet blues cold enough to frezze even the toughest man's blood with fear. Those eyes are nearly hidden by white-blond hair that reminds me of sand from those beautiful beach photos with the sunset on the Flordia coast. I fight back the tears again and stammer stupidly knowing he can't hurt me in this lala dream land "I saw the cops gun you down." His eyes glow angrily and he growl dangerously " Johnny ain't dead and ain't no cop that can take down Dallas Winston, so get use to." I say sarcasticly "Sure, and I am the pope," and Darry hits me across the head. "That hurt," I mummer glaring at him but I can't stay angry at him because I missed him so much.

I crave to hug them all and tell them that I'm sorry, but there is one of those unwritten laws against affection with everyone except Soda. "Please let me be awake," I beg clutching Johnny's hand which recieves only a raised eyebrow from Steve and a knowing smile from my brother Soda. "No, you're in an ulternate realm and I'm the Easter Rabit," Twobit cracks with a wild grin that is contagious. Steve, the seventeen year old that hates me, approaches me and hugs my sore body saying "Guess even I missed you." _I got to be awake even I can't imagine that happening_. I take a slow surveliance of the room mentally photographing what I see.

Darry, my oldest brother and now mine and Soda's guardian, is standing there with his buff build and caring seacolored eyes next to Johnny as his hands are stuffed into his pockets. Soda is grinning at me with that movie star smile and his vivid brown's livily dance aroun, his golden hair is brushed back unsuccesfullly since some of it falls in front of his handsome face anyways. Mischevious grey eyes peer out of Twobit's face as rusty sideburns race down the sides of his head. Steve stands next to Twobit at the foot of the bed, his lanky yet toned form leaning on the foot rails and his swirly hair is greased over enough to slip off any stubburn ring off any wife's finger. Dallas still stands in the doorway with his elfish looks smoking a cigarette that dangles from his lips not caring who yelled at him.

Johnny begins laughing, and since that is unusual in itself, my eyes are instantly brought to him. "May I inquire as to what is so helarious,"I ask studying his tan face with that scar, the way his bangs fall over his eyebrows, and his black eyes. "You," he states calmly and I try Twobit's trick of raising an eyebrow but only succeed in sending him into a reel of laughter as I sourly say "Enlighten me." He smiles jumping onto the bed and nearly tipping us over as he leans onto of me so our faces are only inches apart then he quickly brushes his lips against my forehead before sitting beside me. "We're not homework for you to study," he says and with his free hand tugs the covers up as I say " I just wanted to make sure that everyone's alive." Twobit splits a grin and jokingly says "We are, each and every one of us, including your imaginary ones."

They listen patiently as I explain my story which they claim is a dream and Darry says for the tenth time "You got jumped on the way home from the movies." Johnny gently squezzes the hand that still holds his and says "You never screamed for help." His eyes mist over and his lips curve into a frown as he remembers something, probably his own beating by the Socs. I reach to pat his leg but slip touching something else, but he preeses himself into my palm as his eyes plead with me. "You okay, Johnny," I ask reaching to brush his bangs off his forehead but he swats my hand away. "Johnnycake lives with us now," Soda exclaims patting his dark head meaningfully and Johnny adds " I'm your new bed buddy since Soda's claiming his own room." I nearly begin jumping for joy and kissing him at the thought of sleeping next to him but comtain myself. _He's a boy. A very cute boy. I'm a boy. An extreamly single boy. Get these thoughts out of your head right now. Nope, you like them too much. Great, just great. Now I'm fighting with myself. _The fact that Johnny's warm body is curled up against mine as he sleeps isn't helping much either. He must know what he's doing to me because just as I was getting comfortable with him being so close his hand sneaks beneath the blanket to the bulge in my boxers. "You two are cute together," Soda whispers close to our faces so no one else hears him.

I whimper quietly as Johnny stops his massaging and flash him a hurt look which he only smiles at sympatheticly as he says "Sorry. Darry, when can we leave." My brother glances at the clock and says "As soon as he talks with the docter and gets a check over." Johnny tugs on my hair saying "Maybe we should bleach it. You seem to like talking about bleaching it alot, and bologna." I shake my head forcefully saying "You faker. And no one is touching my hair. You ruthlessly chopped it off and bleached it. I hated looking like that." Johnny smiles and softly says "You and Soda both have great hair so I'm glad that you don't want it destroyed.

I struggle to stay awake through the test and nearly fail until the doctor says "Ponyboy, you are gay and need consouling to fix that problem." I glare at him, stand up and snap "Go to hell." The doctor shakes his head tsking my behaviour but I ignore him and proceed out the door. "Ponyboy, aren't you suppose to be with that doctor," Darry scolds and I shrug saying "He ain't my boss." Johnny raises his big,puppy eyes to mine as he says "He's only trying to help." I shrug pulling on the cutoffs sweatshirt that Soda tosses at me then the jeans Steve throws at my head. "Pony, are you mad at me or something," Johnny asks as we walk to Darry's truck and I slip an arm over his shouldrs saying 'Nope, who could be mad at you, you're our pet. We need you, I need you." He nods staring a whole into his shoes.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:Don't own Outsiders.

I stiffle a yawn as Darry carries me inside the house easily and up to my room. The bed groans beneath my weight and I open my eyes long enough to watch Darry ruffle Johnny's hair and Soda bound off to his own room after hugging the smallest member of our group. Johnny crawls onto the bed puposly falling ontop of me and knocking the wind out of me. He rolls off of me and onto his stomach saying "You had all of us scared, Ponyboy. They kept telling us that you may never wake up. One docter said you were in your own made up world while your body rested and anouther said that you were insane, Dally socked both. Do you hate me, is that why you thought I was dead?"

I turn to face him gasping silently at the sight of Johnny crying and quickly I brush his tears away as I say "Johnnycake, I couldn't hate you. I despised thinking that you were dead. We all love you, and I'm no exception." He nods eventhough his eyes are sad and defeated like a puppy that has been kicked one to many times and lied to even more times than that. "Please Johnny, you got to believe me," I beg as I trail disigns on his back and he says flatly "I believe you." I force him onto his stomach and straddle him saying "No you don't. I need you to believe me Johnny." He stares up at me with a look that says he'll accept whatever I say or do to him even if he doesn't like it. "Why," he asks and I tug his hands over his head knowing that he wont protest as I lower my lips to his. "You wanted me back at the hospital," I say pouting as I pin his wrist to the bed using one hand and tug my shirt off with the other . He weakly smiles but says nothing as I pull off his own shirt. "Do something," I order angrily and he closes his eyes tightly saying "No."

I turn away from him and prepare to fall asleep when the door opens revealing Sodapop. "Hey, you two got school tomorow. So Darry wants ya all to get some shut eye," he says and I groan sinking against my pillow. The door closes and I shiver with the sudden cold that fills the room and turning to face Johnny I mummer "I did miss you." He only pulls the covers over us and wraps me protectivly in his arms as I snuggle closer to him. I fight sleep off as long as I can not wanting this sweet moment to end at all, but I am too exhausted for the fight to last long and all too soon do I slip into a dreamless sleep where no nightmares will intrude.

:Johnny's Pov:

I watch him sleep acting like his guardian angel and notice the way the moonlight captures the red tones in his hair and how innocent he looks, it strikes me as funny that even the toughest hood like Dally can look innocent while they sleep. I can't stop myself from staring at his pale face and nearly moan aloud when he slips one leg between my own and the other ontop. His arms snake around my neck and his lips briefly make contact with my skin, as I shiver with desire I can't help but glance at the door. "Pony,wake up," I say shaking him and his greens peer up at me sleepily as he mutters "Can't I sleep?" I sigh wanting to give him to his pouty lips, but his position is driving me insane and if Darry chetches us there'll be hell to pay. "You were the one that had to hold me," he says pulling me ontop of him and as I desperatly wish for a cigarette I say "You were cold. If Darry finds us like this he'll make us for breakfast." His eyes dance wildly as he laces his fingers behind his head and teases playfully "No one's stopping you from getting off." I slip soundlessly to the floor finanly sick of his games, and to worried about getting skinned to stay here listening to his excuses, as I say "I'll be downstairs." Before I even reach the door he has me pinned to the wall and he licks his soft lips before saying quietly "Don't go,please, I want you to stay here." He leans down to press his lips against my own but fear stops me from responding. I know it's a stupid reason to be afraid but I couldn't help thinking that I may not be a good kisser. His eyes are blazing with what looks like anger and I fearfully sink to the floor cowering before him. Too many memories of the old man hitting me when he's angry, too many black eyes, too many pain filled nights, too many tears cried out after I'm left alone. He kneels before me calming instantly and silently I tell myself that this is Ponyboy and he'd never hurt me. "I ain't gonna hit you," he says softly gathering me into his arms like someone else use to do until I would calm down enough to stop shaking. So similar, yet so different, and I can't choose nor can I say who it is that makes me feel so guilty. He claims my lips begging for entrance with his tongue which I gladly give to him figuring that he has to be just as inexperienced as I am.

I moan into his mouth as he kneads my cock and with his free hand he places my hand onto his own package. "That's it Johnny," he mummers tickeling my ear before he nibbles on my earlobe and I stroke him even harder yet at the same steady pace as before. "Ponyboy, I really need to tell you something," I say but his lips stop me from explaining then he says "You do know that I love you." I nod lowering my gaze as I try to tell him again but pain for the other person involved and his mouth playing ruthlessly with my nipples stops me. I hold his head against my chest as I carress his hair and say "I love you,too." _How often have I told my other lover that? Their hair is of similar texture, soft and silky. _He locks the door and tugs me to the bed. We lay there tangled in eachothers arms and I know that he fears that I'll vanish from his arms during the night. "I'm not going to leave you, I promise to take care of you. I'll be by your side even if you do end up hating me," I say as his breathing steadies. _Why do I want him still, I have Ponyboy now and that's what I always wanted? Why does his smile still send chills down my spine and fill me with warmth._

The loud knocking on the door wakes me from the sweet, guilt filled dreams but Ponyboy stops me from moving to answear the person on the other side. "Come on Pony, get up," I urge softly praying that Darry wont hear me. Ponyboy glares at me, turns over and shoves his head into his pillow, and says "No, don't want to get up yet." Darry pounds on the door causing me to jump a good foot in the air as I am trying to tug on some pants. "Ponyboy Micheal Curtis, if you don't get up right now I'll skin you and take away your chocolate for a week." I open the door and with a slight smile say "I'll gladly eat his cake for him." Darry tussles my hair and gives me that look that practicly screams I've already got a great plan. I know that plan and quite frankly it's funny if you ain't on the recieving end. I enter the kitchen counting down slowly from five until the loud thud echos through the house and a long stream of curse words is issued from the youngest Curtis's mouth.

"Darry pulled me off the bed because of you," Pony states with the coldest glare I've ever seen him issue to someone and I shrug saying " He pulled me and Soda off at the same time and when Steve was pulled off the couch he couldn't sit comfotably for a week. Twobit's back is still sporting that bruise from two weeks ago. Dally is either to smart or to dangerous for Darry. Just then Steve waltzes into the room only to drop into the chair next to Soda and ask "Where is Superdope,anyway?" Pony grabs a piece of cake as he tosses himself onto the counter and stares at me in confusion. "Do I have two heads or something," I ask genuinly curious by his behaviour and Steve says "Better get use to it. Soda here gave him the 411 on being happy and sometimes even I have a hard time telling them apart." Soda grins and pulls me onto his lap saying "We could be twins if you had lighter hair and I had darker skin. Still our little puppy. Being twins though would ruin all the fun." I look into his livily eyes and say "Yeah sure, what fun do we ever get to have. Superman is strickter than anyone else I know." Soda places me onto my feet again and says " I really love you two, you forget all about me and lock me. Didn't you think that I could get lonely too." His sarcastic tone only distracts everyone else from the pain in his eyes but I know him too well. "You slept with Johnny?" Pony's question doesn't suprise me, it's the tone he used, like he's accusing us of betraying him. "Not like that, gee Pony, he ain't much older than you," Soda says as he stops me from cowering against the wall.

"Pony, stop it right now. Can't you tell that your scaring him," Soda says releasing me from his iron hold and I say "The silence bothered me." Ponyboy nods with a smile as he skims me over with his green eyes before roughly kissing me infront of Steve and both his brothers. Soda's smile wavers slightly but it is hardly noticable and Steve's shocked expression is laughable. Darry looks furious as he pulls us apart and orders me to go get dressed. "Johnny, wait up," Soda says and follows me towards the bedroom. He gently carreses my cheek and kisses me as I sink into his arms. _Soda, my guilty pleasure. My lover, my angel. _He slips one of his shirts over my head and says "Don't forget about me."

:Pony's POV:

"Don't play with his emotions, he's been through too much. I love you, you are my brother, but there are too many that will hurt you because of him." I smirk and say coldly "Unlike you, I mean it when I tell someone that I love them." He's counting to three softly barely making any noise at all and I expect him to hit me like he did in my dream, but he doesn't. I wave of sadness and guilt washes over me causing me to say "Darry, I didn't mean what I said. I'm really sorry, I'm just confused." He hugs me saying "Go get ready, little buddy." I bound off to my room and watch in awe as Soda holds Johnny's book in the air forcing him to jump. I begin laughing as I enter and say "I'll be down in a sec, k?" They nod and walk away with Johnny muttering "Dumb blond, give me my damn book."

I plop down next to Johnny who's listening to Twobit. "Well, you'd think those Socs would know how to turn on a t.v. long enough to check the weather, but no, they still think a flood's gonna hit," he jokes flipping open his prized blade and I nearly ask how's he got it back then remember that those events were just my imagination, my own way of dealing with my guilt and pain. " Did you guys hear about the new girl? I guess she's from L.A. but I saw her before around here." Twobit grins looking at the youngest looking of us with interest as he asks "She a blonde?" Johnny nods fidgetting ing his seat as Soda plops down on his other side and asks "You okay,Johnny?" Johnny looks up at my older brother and releases a shaky breath before saying "She just gives me this uneasy feeling." Darry enters and says "You four better get going. Soda, you got work today so you better get ready."

I race Twobit to his car not caring why Soda asked Johnny to stay for a little while after us and Steve slowly walks to the car saying "So, Twobit, how many girls you dating already?" Twobit shrugs and says" Don't know, I'll check my little black book when I find it." I roll my eyes saying "You'd find it if you knew how to clean your room." He raises his eyebrow and says "Now why would I do that?" I chuckle and glance at the front door wondering what is taking Soda so long. _Yeah, Johnny looked paler than usual but he needs to hurry up. Soda can't have anything too important to tell him._

:Johnny's POV:

I lower my gaze as Soda's hand brushes mine and he says softly "Keep quiet till I say so, I want to be there to help him or you if I can." He kisses me possiesvly and I say "Whatever you want, Soda." He grins and runs his fingers down my shirt saying "Whatever I want, hmmm, right now it would be you." I lean into his touch and kiss him one last time before heading out the door calling "Have fun." I can feel his eyes following me until I get into Twobit's car and I fight the blush his words keep wanting to color my cheeks with. _He means it when he says he wants me, but does he really love me. He says he does, but I don't know if he's telling me the truth. I'll ask him if he does love me when we see him at lunch. _I glance at Ponyboy and notice that him and Steve are engaged in a game of rock,paper,scissors. I smile at the sight and close my eyes as thoughts of blonde haired, brown eyed boy takes over my senses.

Please Review, pretty please.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Please Review

:Pony's POV:

I groan as Twobit pulls into the parking lot and glancing at Johnny say "They're gonna swamp me with work." I almost expect Steve to make a smart remark about me being a super hero and that they don't give hero's homework, but I remember that I never helped to save those kids. "Ponyboy," Johnny says tugging on my shirt snapping me out of my daze and I ask "Yeah?" He smiles sending shivers down my spine and says "Thought I lost you again." I laugh softly gathering him close to me and kissing him gently as I brush his hair back. It's amazing how one small gesture such as a kiss can mean so much. Simple things in life are often the best part of living.

A car door slams shut next to us and a female's voice sarcasticly says "Gee, thanks for dropping me off at prision, I am ever so thatnkful." I raise an eyebrow when she steps out wearing a leather mini skirt, a baby pink tanktop that dips much lower than most girls wear theres and a black cardigan to match the skirt. "Take care sweatheart," a man I assume is her father calls and she rolls her eyes saying "Sure, I'll let you know if a flood really hits. People here have no fashion sense." Steve jumps out smirking and says "Hey Twobit, she's a blonde." She had been wearing a black scarf with pink stripes on it revealing her golden tresses. Of course Twobit decides that he just has to talk to her once we all got out of the truck. "Hey, God must be sobbing cause he's lost his most beautiful angel, you. So, new here?" I nearly begin laughing at his lame come on but she sarcasticly says "Gee, you must be real smart." Twobit grins and says "Yup, I'm the brains in the group. So, where are you from?" She begins walking away when Johnny pipes up "Will you at least tell us your name, please?" She flashes him a sweet smile, jealously is flaring and protectivly I wrap my arms around his waist leaning my head upon his shoulder, and she says "Calista, oh, and lamo over there, I'm from Cali." I sigh before gently nipping Johnny's earlobe then say "I'm Ponyboy, that's Steve, and this is Johnny." She grins and states "That's a cool name you got, Ponyboy." Johnny smiles saying "That's Twobit, he's really cool once you get to know him. I mean he can make anyone laugh despite the horrible situation they are in." Her smile never faulters eventhough her eyes spark wildly and she says "You're cool, too. Many people wont stick up for their friends."

"So, what do you guys do for fun around here," Calista asks as her deep blue eyes land on Steve but when he doesn't answear she says "Let me guess, play checkers and wait for floods." Steve rolls his eyes clearly not buying into her act and says "What do you do in L.A.?" She flashes that movie star grin and casually states "All in a days work I kick ass, torture, and kill people." Johnny trembles slighltly in my arms whispering in my ear "It sounds rehearsed, like she's said this a million times," and lovingly I kiss his cheek. "Sorry. I never killed anyone, it's not my style. I lie all the time though." She smiles softly studying us and says "You're the dominator and he's the submissive one. You two been dating long?" Johnny shakes his head as he fearfully searches the parking lot.

:Johnny's POV:

Twobit slips an arm over her shoulders smoothly and says "What type you dig, baby?" She remains calm and smiles as she says "Well, I like sweethearts and bad boys, just have to be blonde. I don't date guys like you." She lifts his arm off of her and Steve sarcaticly asks "Do you have an eye color, too?" She nods and says "Brown." I gasp as a picture of Soda dances across my mind and i hide my face against Pony's chest, effectivly hiding the guilt in my eyes from her. "We're greasers," I say without meaning to and Pony's concerned eyes find mine causing me to tremble as I pull myself closser to him. _I love you, but once you know the truth you'll hate me. I fear losing you because of my weakness so I shall remain silent. _Her eyes spark as anger contorts her features and she says "They are so stupid. I mean they don't know how it feels to work for what they get. My parents both work, my mother use to be a stripper when we lived in Los Angelos. There's no reason for them to judge someone based on what they lack. At least my parents care about me."

We enter the school and everyone begins to stare at Ponyboy he inctinctivly grabs my hand. I lower my head even more and slouch my shoulders, but I move closser to his side silently telling him that I love him. "Hey, look at the pansy and his nutcase for a boyfriend." I pale and fight the tears that begin forming in my eyes, normally I could let every insult they sling at me pass but this is something even I had doubts over. _I can't help the fact that I'm gay, it's not my fault that people aren't accepting here. _The redheaded cheerleader glances our way with disquist causing Pony's face to flare with shock and I ask "You know Sherry,or maybe it's Cherry, she's the high mighty princess that dates that guy with the rings?" He shakes his head then graces me with a grin.

Twobit gathers us around him and says "That's the split from the hospital. She's been there since she was seven since her mother hung herself in her room and her father ran off. That man with her this morning was her docter. Supposedly she's a cutter." I sigh shaking my head saying "I told you that she gave me a bad vibe." Twobit ruffles my hair and says "I know, should have listened." I look up and she's a few paces ahead of us screaming bloody murder then a snobbishness takes over her feautures as she yells "Hey greasers, time to play." She pulls out a shiny object, a gun, and the barrel glimmers in the light as an animalistic quality takes over her eyes and mouth. A shot is fired and it's not until I see the blood on my hands that I know I'm the one she shot. Ponyboy is kneeling next to me and putting pressure on the wound as I say softly "I'm sorry." _I'm gonna die here on this floor._  
:Pony's POV:

I stare at him in confusion but don't ask any questions as his breathing becomes labored. "What happened," Calista asks and I look up at her almost childlishly innocent face. She looks more like she's seven than sixteen._ Her mother was Mischa Townstand, and Calista's a Soc. _"Twobit, go get help. Steve get ahold of the others. Somebody call an ambulance," I order barely aware tath anouther shot has gone off until I watch Calista sink to the floor in a heap of blonde treses, bleak blues, and creamy shin clothed in black and pink. I return my attention back to Johnny whispering sweet indearments as I use my free hand to carress his face. "Baby, we all need you, even Dally."

I sit beside him in the ambulance holding his limp hand as we ride over the bumpy street. I don't care that they are driving her corpse to the morgue or the fact that Darry's speeding behind us with Soda and Dally. The docter ushers me into the waiting room as they push the gurney into a room. _That ain't Johnny, that's somebody else dieing. My Johnny died a hero._ "Pony, want a Pepsi?" I glance up at Soda and ask " That ain't Johnny so why am I here? I hate Johnny for leaving me." Soda sits down next to me and says "You can cry,hun." He's hugging me as Darry kneels infornt of me. "Johnny's dead and it's you fault. I hate you, I hope you die," I yell at Darry watching as he controlls his asnger and I begin pulling at my hair laughing hysterically. "I can't stand you, get away from me," I tell Dally when he steps up to me and his fist connects with my face sending pain straight through my body. "Dally," Darry growls and gently he tugs me to my feet. I try to scratch his eyes out eventhough Soda's almost sobbing next to Steve. "Johnny's doing quite well, she missed his vital organs. But he is asking for a Ponyboy and ..." Darry doesn't allow the docter to finish and drags me into Johnny's room where the boy laying there asks about his damn parents. "I can't go through this again,Darry." Darry's shaking his head pushing me towards the bed.

: Johnny's POV:

"Ponyboy, the docter says I can leave," I say softly noticing how indifferent he's behaving and I can't stop the tears from falling. "I guess I'll be better off dead," I say wishing Soda was here too so he could talk some sense into his brother. Pony's lips press against my own and I hear Twobit say "Not fair, Johnny's getting more action than any of us." Dally looks as unfazed as a plastic dummy and Darry only says "No extreme activities, understand?" I nod grumbleing "Can I walk or is that too extreme for my fragile state?" Darry refuses to say anything else but lifts me up into his arms and carries me to his truck. Pony crawls in first leaving enough room for Darry on the driver's side and Darry places me inbetween Soda and his youngest brother. I snuggle against Soda as Pony leans against my shoulder and I run my fingers through his redish hair.

Drowsily Ponyboy walks to the bedroom followed by the rest of us. Soda yawns plopping onto the bed and I'm placed once again between the two brothers. Soda pulls me against him before throwing his arm over both Ponyboy and myself and he whispers into my ear "Dream come true, huh?" I stiffle a moan as his tongue dances across my shoulder blade and once I know for sure that Ponyboy's asleep I turn over to face Soda and hungrily respond to his kisses. "You really love him, don't you," he asks slightly dissapointed as I trail my fingers from hies chest to his hair saying "I love you both. I want you both." Soda gently tugs my head up to greet anouther of his desperate kisses and says "Then have us both. We'll tell him about us."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Reviews: Thank you to those that have reviewed.

I smile lazily up at Soda as he leans on his side propped up by his arm. "Hey, baby, Pony's not awake yet. Should we tell him today," he asks and my smile fades as I beg "Not now, give me time. Please Soda, I need some more time." I snuggle against his chest knowing that the best way to get what I want with him is by playing cute and cuddly but he only groans before saying coldly "Whatever." I pout as I wrap my arms around his neck causing him to grin and I lovingly say "That's my Soda, the man I love. Are you going to tell him about Sandy?" He begins to frown but quickly I kiss his cheek saying "He ain't gonna understand about us unless you tell him." Soda smiles and changes the subject "Tell me again how we became lovers." I sigh as I sit up and say "While we make breakfast."

Soda pours blue food coloring into the pancake mix as I am trying to stir the batter. "You said you'd tell me," he says before throwing a handful of the powdery mix at me. "Well, it was a school day and around lunch time when we decided to visit you. When we arrived there you looked sad and even Steve couldn't get you to talk so I followed you into one of those dingy bathrooms. You sat on the sink counter and told me that Sandy was pregnant with some stranger's kid, the only thing she knew was she had been drunk that night and messed up." I pour a spoonful of batter into the pan as he continues "You were trying to think of comforting words but you ended up telling me about the feelings you've been harboring for Ponyboy. I took advantaage of the situation and kissed you." I shrug as I watch the mix bubble then I flip the pancakes over.

Soda smiles down at me and says "I needed you andyou nedded me." I lean into his chest breathing in his delicious scent, a mixture of warm spicies and the outdoors. "I responded to your kiss, so I'm just as much to blame as you are. Anyways I was the one that snuck into your room that night after my father had hit me." He runs his fingers over the cut on my cheek and says softly "You needed to be comforted and I took advantage of the fact that you were scared and lonely." The guilt is there but he has no reason to feel guilty. "Soda,please stop talking like that. You kissed me first, yes, but I began to take your clothes off," I say playing with a strand of his gorgeous golden hair.

"Don't burn the house down," he jokes and I turn around just to stare at the blackened pancakes. "Damn it, I was hungry," I mummer wincing slightly as I try to open the drawer above the stove for asprin. Soda gently pushes me to a chair and turning off the stove hands me two pills. "I made some cake a earlier yesterday." I look at him curiously wondering where he had the time to make a cake but say "Why not, it's not like I really wanted pancakes anyways," I say softly as he places a plate before me with a cup of chocolate milk. "I shouldn't push you into telling him about us," Soda says wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

:Pony's POV:

I scream as I awaken to an empty room. Wet sheets cling to my sweaty body as I sit up panting. "Johnny," I mummer weakly at the tears his name brings to my eyes, but Johnny's not dead, right? I race down the stairs and out of the house as whim0pers escape my throat. Please be a lie, don't let my Johnny be a murderer, don't let Johnnycake be dead. "Please be okay," I whisper passing a blue mustang on my way to the spot that haunts my dreams. "Ponyboy," I hear Soda call as I fall to my knees next to the fountain. "There's no blood, Johnny's okay," I say looking up at him and he says "He's always been okay. He should be here soon, he left right after me." I look down the street in alarm as I shakily rse to my feet and say "The Socs were out, what if they got ahold of him."

Soda's face turns grim as he begins to walk back towards our house not straying from the path we took on our way to that park. "If they hurt Johnny again I swear I'll kill them," he states firmly and I understand his anger and fear. I keep up with his long strides as he searches every turn off for signs of him and ask "He'll scream for help, right?" Soda shakes his head saying " All he knows how to do is accept the pain without letting out even the smallest whimper."

:Johnny's POV:

I shut my eyes tightly as they kick me, mainly aiming for the spot in my stomach where the bullet had entered, and I'm barely aware of the fact that one guy was removing his belt. It's one of those that has the big, metal clasps on it and a leather strap. Those belts hurt like hell, they hurt worse then the cigarettes that my old man put out on my thighs or his thin belt that he would hit me with when he felt like it. The one with the rings is laughing as the other hits me with his belt. Their breath reeks of alcohol. Blood is ozing from the cuts the metal clasps makes each time it hits me. _So much pain._ Everything's a red haze and it would be pretty if the belt wasn't hitting me so hard, each strike is more skillful. He stops whipping me but the one with the rings keeps hitting me. I can't reach my blade and the pain is so vivid now. _Sweet silence, and that hazy red color is comming back. Are they leaving? I can't tell. Is someone calling my name? Where have I heard that voice before, it's like golden sunshine. Yes, keep talking. Who's the person with the beautiful, sunset sounding voice? _I can almost see the golden hazy color fading to pinks, purples, and a nearly black color as the voice calls my name. The voices radiate love, protectiveness, and sweetness. The first voice is speaking again and now I see a golden palace with sunlight pouring ontop of it.

I shiver as someone picks me up and somehow I know that it's the golden one carrying me as the sunselt like one says thing that I can't understand. I don't understand why he keeps talking. I like being held, I know this feeling. I know my golden sunshine as well as I know myself. I can tell that he isn't wearing a shirt and the touch of his chest is driving me insane, the toned texture that I know how to touch like a pro. _I trust them both, love them both, but Sunset can't know that I love Sunshine because he'll be devestated. _People are yelling now as I lay on a plush, soft surface, and someone's cleansing my back with a warmly wet washcloth and the fingers playing with my hair is making up for all the kisses he can't give me.

I smile and open my eyes as he strokes my back._ Nice and even, soft and loving. Sunshine's beautiful and caring._ I stare at the two figures that are arguing in confusion as Sunshine says "Do you want a bath?" I weakly respond "Yes, am I in heaven?" _There, the yelling's stopped. _I'm aware of my golden angel carring me into the bathroom and the sound of running water nearly lulls me back to sleep, but his sweet kisses keep me awake. "I'm here,baby. You aren't in heaven, you're here with me." _Of course I'm here, but where exactly is here? _"Soda, can I come in?" _No, don't let the multicolored voice in. Please, I just want to be alone with my angel. I love him, too, but right now I want my Sunshine._ "Yeah," the one the sunset sounding one said was Soda says.

Soda holds me tightly as Sunset pulls off my pants and socks and I sorta wonder if my socks are even clean. Soda's lowering me itno the warm water and I want him to join me. "Ponyboy, is Darry still mad?" I smile thinking that I like their unique names. "Nah, just worried." Every sound seems amplified and I wonder why I know that the one with the heavy step is Twobit, the one with the waltz is Steve, and the slinking,panther like one is Dally. _When did they get here?_

I"m laughing as I remember the two hour long speech about Buck's, girls, and alcohol I recieved from Darry when I first moved in. I never liked Buck's, I guess that liking Soda and Ponyboy proves that I don't like girls, and I've seen what drinking caqn do to someone. "Sunsets are sure pretty, tell Dally to go watch one," I say softly reaching for Pony's hand silently telling him to go tell Dally._ Dally's gonna kill him, gee, I sure can be stupid. _Pony leaves quickly and imediatly I'm pulling Soda down for a deep, passionate kiss. "Dally wants to kill those Socs and Steve ain't to far behind him in his plan." I shake my head muttering "No, Soda, no fights."

His browns fill with confusion as he helps me to sit up and I brush some stray hairs back marvelling at the softness, his golden tresses feel like silk. I smile as I wrap my arms around his neck repeating "No fights, Soda. It ain't gonna do much good if you fight with them." He trys to argue with me and eventhough his eyes are alight with anger and there's a possisevness to them that I hadn't seen before I still insist that he shouldn't fight. He lifts me onto his lap wrapping a towel around me and says "Please, honey, let me do this for you." I glare up at him and snap "Fine, go fight your dumb battle." He kisses my cheeks and lips as his eyes burn with the familar fire of love and passion. "I wont fight if it makes you that angry," he says brushing my hair back. I can picture Dally sitting on a hill with Ponyboy watching the merging of beautiful colors as the sun dips below the earth.

:Pony's POV:

I suck in a deep breath as Dally glares at me and swears using every cuss word I've ever heard plus a few that I think he made up. "Johnny's was the one that suggested it," and he grins saying "Whatever. I nearly pounded you for an idea that wasn't yours." My eyes light up and I eagerly ask "Wanna go camping with us and see the sunset in the country? Soda can come with." He shrugs saying "Why not, I can bring some fun with." I hug him quickly not sure exactly why I did so but when he pats my back saying " Go tell Superman," I grin with happiness.

Darry looks at me sceptical once I tell him my plan and says "Soda is to make sure that Dallas doesn't let you two have to much of his brand of fun." I hug him nearly causing the bills he's working on to slip off his bed. "Don't be gone too long, it'll get awfully boring here without you guys." Soda's holding a sleeping Johnny in his arms when I tell him my idea and he laughs as he glances at Dally. "Go get the bags and lantern, Dally go get a car, and I'll pack our clothes," Soda orders trying to sound like Darry but faily miserably.

:Johnny's POV:

I study Soda as he throwas clothes into a dufflebag and ask "Are you leaving?" He shakes his head saying "Dally's goin' camping with Pony,me, and you." I sigh saying "I ain't gonna be much fun." He shrugs saying "I can borrow a horse from some farmer and take you on a tour or we can stay back at the camp sight while Pony shows Dally around telling him all about the bunnies and the clouds." I laugh picturing Dallas actually listening to Pony talk about nature. _Yes, this trip will be good for all of us._


	5. Chapter 5

:Pony's POV:

I bounce in my seat as Dally races the T-bird down the street and around the curves on two wheels. He flashes me a wild smile and says "I can go faster if you want me to." _It isn't a question. He's trying to kill us._ "Go faster, go faster," Soda exclaims and the next curve Dally takes sends me flying into his strong, sturdy form. He ruffles my hair and I slip back over to my side of the car. I glance back at Soda and Johnny noticing that the later is blushing red enough to put a cherry shame which means Soda's talking about all the fun he's had with some girl. Johnny's laughter rings out as Soda hugs him and they look almost like they should be best friends rather than Soda and Steve and Johnny and I. "Johnny, you ever been camping?" Johnny sits up staring at the back of Dally's head wide eyed before stamering "N-no D-dally, I ain't ever been away from home." _Yes, that is right, he never went to the country and we never stayed at that church. That flaming church of sorrow and pain._

The scenery changes from houses, gas stations, and kids playing tag to tall fields of golden wheat, and blue sky with clouds for miles. I glance at Johnny through the rearview mirror and smile as I watch him stare in awe at the surrounding nature. "Look, there's a deer," he exclaims nearly leaping out of the car, but Soda's strong arms wrap his arms around his waist holding him back. "But I want to pet the deer," he complains looking at my older brother with a pout that could melt even Tim Shepard's heart. "You can't pet him, honey, but you'll see lots of deer and bunnies where we are going," I say glancing at Dally who's intently driving with his hand off the wheel.

I grab the wheel swerving the car to the side before we end up in the ditch and say "Dally, watch where you're drivin' this thing." His blues laugh as he crosses his arms across his chest and I nearly spill into his lap causing him to chuckle. "Steer it," he challenges and I look up at him in confusion asking "And how do you expect me to do that?" His eyes spark with some master plan that I know I'm going to hate. "Sit in front of me and I'll push the gas," he says once again his behaviour shocks me. "Do it," Soda says as he helps Johnny onto the back of the convertable holding him up there by his waist. "Dally, don't go too fast or you'll end up peeling poor, helpless Johnny off the road,"Soda jokes grinning wildly as he releases his hold on the small boy. Johnny franticly grips Soda's shoulders saying "If I die then I'll haunt you." Soda nods placing his arms around Johnny's waist saying "I ain't gonna let you fall." Soda leans in closser to Johnny's ear and whispers something that is too quiet for me to hear but it calms the jumpy teen down. "So you gonna steer or not?" I slip in between Dallas's lehs and begin steering thinking that with him anger and impatience sound almost the same.

I laugh as Johnny broadcasts every deer,bunny, and chipmunk he sees and Soda says "You know he'll make an original and cute tour guide." I look in the mirror watching Johnny blush as Soda helps him back into the seat. "So, Soda, where's your twin in crime? I'd expect you to ask Steve to come with?" I nearly yell at Dally for the mere mention of that bastard. _I don't care if he can stand me, I still hate him. _"He's got a date and he's taking over my shift on the weekend. Plus I didn't ask him to come. Hopefully Darry remembers to call in for Pony and Johnny." I sigh wondering if Steve and Soda are fighting and how come Soda hasn't been talking about Sandy.

Dally's pressing the gas down like his foot is made of lead. I hold onto the wheel for dear life glad that the path is straight. Dally chuckles as he places his hands in front of my eyes and says "Watch out for the deer." Johnny's laughter echos in my ears before he says "It's kinda cute, kinda reminds me of you." I swerve cursing when I realize that the road has become rather bumpy and Dally removes his hands as I ask "Is everyone okay?" Dally grunts as Soda laughs joyfully before saying "You messed up my hair." I try to move but Dally stops me saying "Try again, I promise not to cover your eyes this time."

Dally backs the car up somehow getting it onto the street perfectly and says "Buck can never know that Pony nealy crashed his car." Johnny nods sitting there still looking like he's seen a ghost but the cigarette dangeling from his lips dangerously makes him look cool. Soda slings his arm around Johnny's shoulders asking "What happened? I must have missed it." I laugh enjoying the sound of Dally's deep baritone. I look around searching for any place for a bunch of boys camping but don't see any. "Um, where is a camping site?" Soda laughs saying "See those woods up ahead, that is where Darry use to take us before mom and dad died." I shake my head looking at the ground guiltily and say "Darry must think that I hate him." Soda grins saying "Nah, he just doesn't understand you."

I turn down the small drive way leading into the woods and park the car. Soda jumps out and opens the trunk grabbing the duffle bag which he slings over his shoulder and two sleeping bags. "Can I help?" I look over at Johnny and shake my head grabbing the last sleeping bag as Dally grabs his blanket and bag. "Nope, not at all, you are going to wait here till I come back and pick you up, literally," Soda says with a grin and quickly ruffles Johnny's hair.

:Johnny's POV:

I pout as I sit on the hood of the car watching the three of them walk away leaving me all alone with only my blade to keep me safe. "Thanks, I feel real safe here all alone in such a dangerous area in my weakened condition," I call after them as I flip up the collar on my jean jacket and crave to feel Soda's arms wrap around my slim body keeping me warm, or Ponyboy's feverant kisses causing my body heat to rise with passion. I smile as I fantasize about the two brothers keeping me warm in various ways.

"Hey baby," a voice says causing me to jump paling instantly as I reach for my switch blade that's in my back pocket. "Johnny calm down, it's just me. Remember I said I'd be back for you?" I hug Soda tightly as I sob agianst his shirt whimpering as I choke out "I'm sorry, I hate being so scared and thinking that everyone's gonna jump me. I'm so screwed up." He rubs my back tilting my head back to brush my tears away and says "I'll screw you," before he kisses me. I respond to his kiss with as much desire as he is giving matching his lust perfectly. "We better go," I say and despite his agreement I can sense his dissapointment so I say "We can do what you want later, I promise." He grins and says "Climb onto my back." I wrap my arms around his shoulders as he holds me up by my thighs. "You'll actually let me. Since Pony's been back you and I haven't been able to sneak some alone time," Soda says and I lean my chin on his head saying "Soda, do you really love me or am I just something to help ease your pain?"

Soda sets me onto my feet and says "Do you really believe that I don't love you? Johnny, if you do then we should end this relationship right away." I gasp silently as I turn away from him not wanting him to see the tears that his words cause to rise up and begin walking away with my shoulders hunched." The tears are cascading down my cheeks when Soda grabs me by my arm stopping me from continuing trek home. I push him away and walk towards the car. "Johnny please stop." I allow him to wrap me into his arms and kiss my face. "Do you believe me that I love you?" I nod not sure that I believe him though I want to. _He's so cute and he acts like he loves me. I need him to love me. _"I must spend time with Ponyboy or he'll suspect something and I don't want him to find out that way." His lips claim mine speaking volumes of his love and yearning and I kiss him back with as much need and desire. "I'm yours as soon as we're alone," I say as he lifts me up into his arms like my prince in blue jean armor.


	6. Chapter6

Disclaimer:Don't own anything except for the character Amanda that's briefly mentioned and the poem.

Thanks for the reviews. I accept all types of reviews so feel free to bash my work or praise it.

:Pony's POV:

I grin as Dally lays out everyones sleeping bags and say "We'll have to build a fire." He glares at me with those blues that can send shivers of fear down my spine and says in an evily dangerous tone "Soda and Johnny can fetch some wood when they return since they are taking forever." I look back towards the way we came and ask "What could be keeping them?" My grey-greens search for any sign of the two boys but all I see is the tall green trees, blue sky, and an occasional squirl. I stand up worrying that something has happened to them and Dally calmly says "Calm down, Johnny may be slowing Soda down due to his wounds, or you brother is taking his sweet time." I watch as he sits down on his blanket in one fluid movement and it reminds me of a cat, sly yet graceful. I nod and drop back down onto the stump that dared to steal a spot in this vacant area of grass overlooking a cliff.

I open a Pepsi bottle and sip it casually reaching for my pack of cigarettes to calm my nerves. I light the cancer stick before enhaling the addictive substance and exhaling the smoke. I sigh as I lean back gazing at the clouds and searching for shapes as I subconciously wonder if this is really a dream, too. "Dally, did Johnny miss me?" His blues regard me with a cross between annoyance and anger as he calmly says "Yeah, if it hadn't been for Sodapop he probably would have hurt himself. None of us can stand it when Johnny gets so depressed like that, so don't go falling into anouther coma." I nod relizing that what he said was really a cover for the fact that he missed me, too. "Johnny and Soda aren't together if that's what you're worried about," he says nonchalantly. The shock in my face makes him chuckle and I say" I never thought that they were together as lovers, I mean they don't act like lovers." Dally's elfish face breaks into a rare smile, an actual smile that isn't wolfish and threatening, as he says "You're right, they don't. Steve even said that Soda's been dating again since the whole Sandy ordeal." I smile back at him and take a puff on my cigarette before saying "Thanks Dally." He seems embarressed, probably because he showed his softer side to someone, but then he says "No problem," like he hadn't even been slightly caught off guard.

He reaches into my pocket for a cigarette and lights it quickly with the skill of someone use to smoking for years. I am only slightly curious as to the fact that both he and Johnny smoked their cancer sticks the same way, letting them dangle between their lips before grabbing it to let out the smoke, after all Dally is Johnny's idol. He motions to his coat he had tossed beside him and I pull out a liter of vodka as he reaches into his bag and pulls out a fairly large bottle of Tequila. "Did Soda grab that bottle of strawberry syrup?" I nod wondering what crazy idea he had planned when I spot two familar figures, one walking and the other lounging in a wheel barrel. "What happened to you two?" They had been gone for fouty-seven minutes so Dally had every right to sound upset. Soda easily shrugs Dally's question away bring Johnny's "carriage" to a halt and Johnny holds up a case of beer and a pint of icecream. "This farmer needed some help so I offered and he gave me this beer as payment and his wife just took one look at Johnny's begging eyes and gave him the ice cream." Dally cocks an eyebrow and asks "How'd you get there and back?" Soda grins and says "Johnny drove us in the car."

It's amazing how opposite they are yet they somehow became really close friends. Like Johnny's dark hair and eyes are opposite to Soda's golden hair and light brown eyes. Eventhough they both are understanding, Johnny's the silent counsiler, or maybe a journal for everyone's problems, just listens without asking any questions. Soda will listen then he'll give you advice. Soda's happy and makes the best of any situations, sometimes leading us into some situations that turn out to be silly enough to make even the Grinch laugh. Johnny's the shy, law abider of us all, and despite his fear and jumpyness he's still innocent where as Soda lives his life like it's a race, fast, fun and laced with danger. Somehow they must have found something they share in commen.

Johnny's smiling at me and when I finanly look at what he's holding up I nearly scream with delight. _Yeah, I know, not very tough sounding. Screaming like a little girl, they would diffenatly think that I'm nuts._ Great Expectations by Charles Dickons is in his hands. It's one of those classics that I can read and get lost in. I can see myself as Pip and the Socs as the gentlemen and laddies that look down upon him. Stella is like a lot of those classy Soc girls, she looks down upon Pip because he's poor. I don't get why he turned his back on his friends and family just because he was rich. Money doesn't buy happiness, friends and family do, and that's what Pip and I learned.

I'm a dreamer, maybe that's why I like to read so much. Dally's hard and cold, due to the fact he grew up too soon, and doesn't appreciate life like I do. All he knows how to do is fight to survive and hate to keep him going, but I can escape into a book for a little while. He misses out so much, he doesn't understand the beauty of a sunset or the way the sunlight causes water to sparkle. He can still be tough as nails Dally and appreciate beauty. A girl in my class taught that lesson once, we had to write a report on what we found important, she said that almost everyone takes life forgranted. She told us that adults lose what they use to hold precious and sacred because of greed and money. That girl could open anyones eyes and she did. She finished her speech with a poem and I recall it as Johnny sits down in between Soda and myself.

"No dreams or illusions,

Only bitter reality.

No gods or goddesses,  
Only man's cruelity.

Forgotten childish innocence,

All that's left is a women's cleverness.

The dove's stopped flying,

Yet the serpant remains poised, ready to strike.

Gone are the protectors,

Alone for the rest of her life.

Sweet smiles long gone,

Cruel sneers decorate the cold mask.

Protective shields and an impenetrable heart.

Friends slipped into oblivion,

Now only enimies remain.

Religion crushed,

Facts heightened.

Delightful naiveness deminished duee to

Useless knowledge.

Youthful openmindness destroyed,  
Only wise old woman's shrewdness left.

Hope forgotten,

Hate easily remembered.

Loving no longer often enough,

Betraying by the multitudes.

Yearning no more for love and sweets,

Replaced by the need of cold hard cash.

Farewell Child,

Hello Adult."

I hadn't realized that I had said it aloud until Dally asks "What was that for?" I shrug it away watching Soda's grinning face, Soda understood the poem. "Dally should meet whoever wrote that," he syas with a glance thrown at the blond and I says "He can't. She was killed during a rally against hate crimes. She died because of a hate crime." Johnny smiles softly and says "I remember her, Amanda was her name. She went on a date with Twobit once, said she couldn't turn him down after he begged so much. He came to the lot that night and told me about his date. She took him somewhere secluded and as they watched the sunset she told him that one day she dreamed that the world will be as lovely and peaceful as that sunset. She made him think about life that night, and for once he stayed the night in the lot with me without touching the bottle at all." I tilt my head asking "Why didn't they go on any more dates?" He sighs and responds "She started dating a poet a few days latter. He never planned on asking her out again anyways, said she was too good for him and he doesn't like to think that much. I think he was afraid of what she could make him feel." I nod leaning back to watch the clouds glide across the blue carpet.


	7. chapter 7

Diclaimer: Same as always.

Thanks for the reviews.

Sorry about the long wait, my internet was screwed up so I couldn't post then my computer got screwed up and I lost everything.

:Johnny's POV:

I stand up watching the errie shadows play across the grass and ask "Shouldn't someone go get some wood for a fire?" THe silence bothers me, it's not that sweet, golden silence of safety I sometimes experienced at my own home but an uneasy silence between people with nothing in common. "We decided that you and Soda should go," Ponyboy says pulling up a blade of grass to chew on nonchalantly. Soda jumps to his feet grinning with the excitement of a kid in a candy store, and his liquid pools of laughter gaze at me. "Come on," he says happily as he leads me out to the woods.

Every little noise freaks me out and I step even closser Soda as I stare at my shoes. "You must know your shoes inside and out," he comments ruffeling my hair and I release a nervous chuckle as I raise my eyes briefly to his."We should exercise more, and I know the perfect routine," he says nipping my earlobe and I look behind us making sure that no one had followed us before whispering "They know it wont take us that long." He rolls his eyes and says in that tone that clearly means he's older and I'm the child "Don't be silly. They can't expect two city boys not to get lost even if I have been here before." I glare at him before staring at the ground and mumble "You know I hate it when you do that." He steps up beside me and innocently inquires "Do what?" _Like he doesn't know, he was doing that on purpose._ I glance at him trying not to give into his handsome face and delightful, soul searching, laughing eyes.

He tugs me forward and I gaze in amazement at a stack of neatly cut logs next to a small, wood shed. "Dad taught Darry and me how to do that," he says with pride before opening the shed's door. Saws and axes line the walls like jagged teeth in a monsters mouth, on the floor is a ladder as the monsters tongue leading to a small loft. Soda grins wildly and says "We use to sleep up there if the weather was bad and dad would tell us all sorts of ghost stories." I glance at the mirror curiously wondering what a city boy like myself is doing out here with a boy as good looking as Soda. "Are you going to tell me what I was doing wrong," Soda asks softly as he wraps his arms around my waist looking down upon me lovingly and I mutter only slightly angry now "You were treating me like a kid, again." He smirks saying "You are a kid," before brushing his lips across mine in a kiss so light it would shame a feather.

I drop to the floor in defeat when he tells me that he wont tell his brother about Sandy. "Stop it, you want me to tell him about us then you don't. You wont tell him about that whore even though you should. You're too confusing," I yell finanly fed up with his constant change in decisions. Idily I make designs in the dirt with my fingers as I wait for him to respond, but when I look up all I see is shock and anger. "Johnny, what can I tell him? The girl I thought I loved enough to marry cheated on me, got pregnant, killed the unborn child, took off with anouther man, and oh yeah, I'm sleeping with Johnny." I stand up to face him and mummble "It's the truth." He glares at me, and thruthfully I think this is the only time where I've ever seen him angry. "Johnny, get a grip. I can't tell him the truth." I stare at him in shock and fight back the tear, _I hate being a cry baby, _as I say "You still love her and I'm just a plaything. Never mind, you wont have to tell your brother about us. You can go find that whore and love her." The fact that I finanly know something that will alter our lives forever only makes the pain even worse. "Johnnycake stop being stupid. I can't leave you to find her because I don't want her.I love you." I back away from him shaking my head afraid of the emotions racing through me and my back collides with a tree causing me to release a hiss. By now the tears are impossible to hold back and whimpers wrack through me. Soda wraps me into his arms and gently carases my back as I weakly whisper "I'll do the right thing, I promise."

I watch him pile the wood into a wheel barrel that had been in the back with little interest in the wood, the sunlight glitters off his sweaty muscles and causes a halo to form around his head. "Darry can't know about us, so don't go talking about us around Dally. He'd skin me alive for starting a relationship with you when I knew that you loved someone else." I nod in agreement as we come to the clearing. I watch Dally and Ponyboy play cards from my perch ontop of the wood. "You cheated," Dallas yells at Ponyboy and I can tell that he's scared eventhough he says "You can't cheat in BS." Soda carries me to the sleeping bag I'm using and the familar scent of Pony waifs up to me. I study the other bags and notice that Darry's bag, which has Soda sprawled across it, is big enough for three or four people to sleep comfortably in. "Darry ain't an elephant, so why's his bag so big?" Soda grins at my question and jokes "So he can sneak his girlfriends into it." I smile and say "How come you're sleeping in it?" He smiles lazily and says "Just in case some girls are out here to and get scared. That way I, the big, strong man, can protect them." Ponyboy laughs as he sits down beside me and says "Gee, you sure are strong Soda. A chipmunk can bench press more than you."

I follow them to the car since we were having to go to the store since I certain blonde that a chipmunk could beat up forgot to pack food for us. That blonde is chattering on and on about some party he and Steve planned on going to. "You and Johnny can come," Soda says breathlessly to his brother. I roll my eyes and Pony asks innocently "You gonna take Sandy." I glance at Soda as he says "Nah, Steve ain't takin Evie." I try to hide my anger and Dally just tosses a glance at Soda then says "Lets get into the car so we can leave." I slip into the passenger seat and watch through the rearview mirror as Soda talks to his brother. I turn to face them and say "Funny, I haven't seen Sandy around in days are you sure she's not rotting somewhere?" I try to sound as innocent as possible and nearly begin laughing. _That sounded nothing like me, I've been acting different all day. _

Soda lounges against the car after sending Dally and Ponyboy along without us. "What has gotten into you," he demands with a trace of worry lacing his voice. I shake my head and mutter "Nothing, I'm sorry about what I said." _Not!_ He pulls me against him and says "Want to tell me the truth this time?" I cling to him as I softly say "I just don't want to lose you, that's all." I struggle to keep warm using his body heat as he tilts my head up to claim my lips roughly yet passionaltly. "Do you love me? I know I've asked like a billion time, but I need to know the truth."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Same as before.

Thanks for reviews.

:Soda's POV:

I walk beside Johnny holding to his hand until we enter the building then I cartwheel around before grinning wildly at everyone and say to him "Twobit would have a field day in here." Johnny laughs softly almost like he's afraid of the nice people at the store and says queitly "Yeah, he'd only need a t.v. for Mickey Mouse then he'd be in heaven." I flash anouther smile at some old ladies hoping to dazzle them and tip my invisible hat polietly. Dally stares at the people like they have two heads and Ponyboy looks worried. The old men pass us with curt nods of their heads and the ladies smile sweetly. I flip in the air and land on my feet as gracefully like a cat.

Despite my cheerful attitude and seeminly playful antics I can only feel the pain of knowing my lover may leave me shadowed by a desperate need to express my love for him, to make him mine completly. _How can I tell him that I love him when he loves my brother so completly? I have noticed that he seems to advoid Pony, but that's probably the guilt._ I jump into a handstand and begin to walk that way laughing when children point at me with giggles erupting from their tiny mouths. Johnny looks up and says softly "We passed the bread aisle." Pony shrugs quickly before running back to get a loaf and returning shortly later as Dally picks out some lunch meats ignoring the bolagna that seems to jump out at us. "Is Johnny okay?" I look at my brother and nod saying "Yeah, fine. Why?" He glances at the puppy of a boy walking beside his blond idol and says "Just seems distracted." I nod in agreement wondering why Johnny had me swear upon my life that I loved him and wouldn't leave him for someone else.

:Johnny's POV:

I know that Soda's pretending to be happy, when you know someone as well as I know him you can tell, and to tell the truth it bothers me. _It's my fault he's unhappy, I don't deserve him. What makes him love me in the first place? I couldn't live without him, though._ His golden hair is brushed back by rapid hands as his browns dance with fear and dessire. _What is he afraid of? I've never known him to be afraid of anything. _Pony is staring at me again, he's been doing that alot lately, and I try to ignore it eventhough the guilt is killing me. I try to take my mind off of the two brothers and look at the shiny lighter with envy, _now that's a tuff lighter. _Soda picks it up and nonchalantly slips it into his pocket whistling. "Can we talk a bit later?" He nods saying in a defeated and sad tone I've never heard him use before "Why not, I already know what you're going to say. We drive back with no incidents and I glance at Dally wondering what gives him the ability to act so calm and tough when his life has been so hard. I would have fallen apart. "When do I have to watch that sunset, kid?" I shrug and say "Dally, you'll be able to tell." I hadn't said it in a cocky way and that's probably why I hadn't been hit.

Soda pulls me into the woods the second we get out of the car calling after him "We need to chat, so Pony keep Dally entertained." Ponyboy had nod almost as if he knew that this conversation was about him. As soon as we are alone Soda kisses me with as much hunger and passion that leaves me weak. "You're leaving me for him and I just want one last memory," he says as he tugs up my shirt and places rough kisses upon my chest. He sucks lightly on my neck and runs his fingers down my back gently carrassing the wounds. "Soda..." I begin only to have anouther hungry kiss silence me. "I'm not leaving you," I finanly blurt out and his sensual assualt stops as he tilts his head in curiosity. "I'll tell him about us, all of it, and if he hates me then I'll deal with it. I'm going to tell him that it's over between me and him." A passionate kiss is my answear as fingers pull at my hair lovingly.

The sun is setting as Soda removes his clothes and pulls my bare form into his arms lovingly. His sweet kisses upon my bare shoulders sends shivers down my spine. Soda's gently sucking is leaving me breathless, eventhough he has sucked on my cock and only made me sexually excited, but this is different...I can feel his love pouring out with each suck upon my neck. I fall against him watching the pinkish tones in the sky play across his shoulders. The golds and pinks are like his soul, solid, true and beautiful. He's naturally happy and loving. He shines like the sun with smiles and an easy grace.

Where I once saw Ponyboy as the light in my never ending dark I now see Soda.The love I felt for the green eyed boy was more out of pent up lust and protection. The wind howls almost cursing me for being such a betrayer but Soda's soft carresses are the sweet promises that keep me in my place in his arms. I seek my angel's hands as he trails kisses down my chest and pull him up before he reaches his goal for a desperate kiss upon his luschious lips. His tounge moves across my teeth before pushing through to dance with my tounge. Browns soon are replaced by greens and redish tresses take over the blonde hair as guilt seeps into my thoughts once again. "NO!" I push him away and stare in amazement when I only see Soda standing there. "Johnny," he asks worriedly as he begins getting dressed. I stare at my own clothes near his feet and say fearfully "I could have sworn that you had become your brother. I don't want him, I want you. Am I going insane, Soda?" He helps me into my clothes and says "No,honey, it's your mind playing tricks on you." I shrug into my jacket as he comments "Nice bruises." I groan looking at the ground and say "Might as well get this over with."

I lower my gaze as we approach Pony and Dally, there was no way to deny it anymore exspecialy from Dally, he ain't dumb. "We've lied to you, Pony," Soda says before sitting down next to his brother and pulling me down close to him. His hand lingers in mine a moment longer than usual as he says "Sandy got pregnant by some guy then killed the baby and, finanly, she took off with some other guy.I would have stayed with her, but now I've met someone new." Shyly I meet Ponyboy's gaze then look at Dally, who pretends to ignore us for the sunset, and say "It started about a month ago and I found him at the DX looking depressed. We began talking and that led to..." Soda stops me from continuing and says "I took advantage of him, but somehow we stayed together after that. We've been secretly seeing eachother since that afternoon till now." Ponyboy nods eventhough his eyes read pain and betrayal then he asks "Did you take his virginity?" I blush a bright red and bury my head against Soda's chest as he says "No, he's still innocent." Dally glances at us with eyebrows raised and I hope he doesn't go into a tirade on how he lost his virginity way before he was my age, but he only says "So, you actually cheated on Soda?" I shake my head and admit "We never made it official so I guess that means I never cheated, at least that's what Twobit said when I asked how he could see so many girls." Ponyboy glares at everyone then demands "Why'd you lead me on? Why did you claim to love me?" I sigh and reply "I thought that I did love you. I am really sorry, Pony. If I would have known that what I felt wasn't love anymore I would have never gotten envolved with you like that."

:Pony's POV:

_He's sorry! He knew what he was doing! How can he be sorry for something he commited on prupose? And my own brother, of all people he choose Soda?_ I stand up and try to remain calm as I run my fingers through his hair. _He didn't cheat on you, he cheated on your brother. _I release an angry sigh and ask "Who else kept this from me?" Soda looks so distressed and Johnny weakly says "I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't let me or I chickened out. I'm sorry." I stare at him and say angrily "So am I." He clings to Soda like he's a saving device or something. Dally just sits there with that smirk on his face and says "Really there's no reason to be mad, so what if your brother got to him first. He never said it was over." Johnny looks at Dally wide eyed as he straightens up a bit and I say "He doesn't love me." Dally snorts as if I'm an idiot that he needs to teach a lesson and says "Who said you need love in a relationship." Johnny groans and says "Dally, please stop. It's over between us, Dally. I love Soda and I want to be with him."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Do not own anything.

Sorry this took so long to get up. I went brain-dead.

:Johnny's POV:

I watch his eyes darken then lighten again, it's almost as if he's begining to accept the fact that I have lied to him. I shyly glance at Dally and notice that he doesn't care. Soda seems imune to Pony's silent anger a he lays back gazing up at the dark sky with stars blinking coldly down upon us. I wastch as Soda lights a small fire. The reddish glow tattos his skin appearing like blood stains. Inside I'm screaming with fear. Pony nods, his eyes reflecting this easy calmness, and says "Are you going to tell the others?" I glance at my beloved who shrugs his slender shoulders carlessly and rolls onto his stomach saying "Don't care what we do. How long are we staying here?" His browns hold this certain light that is beyond beautiful. I smile slowly and say "As long as we want, or until Darry comes searching for us." The truth is that I don't want to go home yet. I don't want to see everyone's reaction to the truth. I'm scared to see how Darry reacts when he discovers that Soda and I are together.

"Steve's gonna kill me," Soda admits seriously and I cautiously ask "Why?" His browns regard me nervously then replies "You don't know him like I do. He blew up because of you and Pony, but he pretended to be fine infront of you two because I asked him to. He's going to be furious with me and Darry will pound my head in. You're our pet." I tilt my head and crawl over to him wispering "Are you ashamed of me?" "NO! I'm worried, that's all." I nod with a slight laugh and curl up aginst his chest. "Comfortable?" I smile and nuzzle my lips against his neck. "Yes," I say when he captures the flesh on my own neck in his teeth. Pony looks away with embarressement or lust and I feel my own face color.

:Pony's POV:

I can't help but watch as Johnny falls so easily against my brother. His blackish eyes close in delight when Soda begins to suck on his neck. His neck is already tatooed by similar marks, almost as if Soda was branding him, and the small youth releases a quiet moan. Soda lays Johnny down on his back and leans over him. I remember easily how good it felt to have that lithe form pressed against my own. I sigh as I wacth Soda kiss Johnny slowly, tasting him as if he's a divine, exotic treat, and I close my eyes when Johnny's arms wrap around my brother's neck. Dally takes a sip from the bottle and continues to stare at the flames. Warm flickers of gold and red wash over him.

_He deserves to be with someone he loves, his happiness is all that matters. But I miss those sweet embraces, the warm kisses, the greedy touches. Why me? Why do I love him still? I could have sworn that he felt the same for me. I saw the flicker of passion in his eyes, the brief second of hope that flashed in them._

Johnny pulls Soda down for anouther kiss, and finanly I crawl over to them inquiring "Why'd you pretend to love me for so long?" Soda rolls onto his side while Johnny sits up and the timid boy says "I told you, I thought I did love you. It wasn't until now that I realized that I love Soda more than you. I didn't lie to you, and I'll understand if you hate me." I shake my head and say "I don't hate you, Johnny."

"Here," Dally says shoving the bottle into my hands as he scoops icecream into four cups. "Pour some into each cup," he orders and obidiantly I do as he told me to. He adds strawberry syrup to the mix of vodka and icecream then shoves a cup at me to stir up. It was shortly after he handed me the second cup that I realize that he's staring at Johnny. "He's really happy. He's never been that happy." I shrug eventhough I was disapointed with myself. "He's in love," I whisper. _But not with me. I can't make him smile like that or make his laughter peal out the way Soda does._ "You have to be tough, then no one can hurt you," Dally states and carries a cup to Johnny. He stares up at his idol with his dark eyes. "It's fine," I say sitting down with my own cup and handing the other to Soda.

:Soda's POV:

I watch Johnny drain his cup then Pony drink his own then mine. I watch as a strange smile slips onto the boy's face. He leans over Johnny with a impish smile and coaxes "Come on, Johnny, just this one time, please." Johnny shakes his head, sits up, and says "No,Ponyboy." Pony sits back on his heels and begs "Come on, you'll enjoy it. I'll be careful." I glare at my brother wanting nothing more to get him off of my beloved and say "Pony, you're drunk. Do you really want to hurt Johnny?" He looks at me with eyes wild with lust and says "No, but I want him." Johnny runs into the woods quickly then we follow after him. "Damn it," I snap tugging Pony over to the side. "Leave him alone, Pony, please." He nods sadly then hugs me before scampering off.

"Johnny, where are you," I yell fearfully and slowly I enter the shed. "Soda?" I climb the ladder and find Johnny huddled in the corner. "Hey honey," I whisper crawling across the floor to join him. His warm arms wrap around my neck, his gentle lips press against my neck, and finanly he says breathlessly "I hate seeing Pony like that. He's too good to end up just anouther drunk." I nuzzle his velvet throat while he lays down with his eyes closed. His hands dip beneath my shirt yet I can sense the uncertainty in the way his eyes avoid mine. "I'll go slowly and you can tell me to stop at any time," I say watching his cheecks tint with a soft, rosy blush.

:Johnny's POV:

I gasp when Soda's hands skim beneath my shirt and he slowly pulls the article off. His beautiful browns peer at me intently. Lips curve into a hungry smile while my own fingers explore his muscular chest then his shoulders. His soft moans encourace me to continue my sweet carresses. He sits back and studies my nude from before lowering his face to my chest. His tounge dashes across my flesh and he wills my thighs apart. I gasp when he finanly enters me. A rush of pleasure washes over me and giddily I cling to his body that grows heated with each trust. I shiver with delight even as I hear Pony's voice growing louder. Soda stiffles a moan against my shoulder and I bite my lower lip just to stop myself form screaming. "Johnny?" I prepare myself for a confrontation but Soda's lips calim mine roughly, and my attention is brought back to him.

I lay against his chest afterwards listening to his breathing. Somehow my carresses had lulled him to sleep. I smile despite the sounds of creaking upon the ladder. A sleeping bag covers our nudity since our clothes still lay discarded in a heap. Ponyboy crawls onto the loft and raises his hands then drops them back to his thighs saying "Why wouldn't you let me do that to you?" I lower my gaze and curiously glance up to find Soda gazing at me possisevly. "I don't know. Pony, please, I'm sorry." He sighs with a carefree shrug and states "It's nothing." Suddenly the impulse to have both brothers laying with me clouds my mind and I say "Stay, Dally will be fine." I smile when he snuggles up against me being careful not to touch Soda too much."I love you, Johnny," he murmers and I'm nearly overcome with guilt.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.

Thanks for the reviews.

:Pony's POV:

I snuggle against his warm, bare chest while his arms wrap around my waist. Soda yawns and lazily smiles down upon us. Johnny trembles when my brother kisses his neck. "We left Dally out there all alone," Johnny murmers and I roll my eyes turning around to silence him with a kiss. "He can wait some more," I say softly dancing my tongue across his collar bone. "Yeah, I can think of better things to do," Soda impishly says while slipping out from underneath his lover. Johnny willingly lays down forgetting about his earlier argument.

I watch him arch into my brother's mouth. His chest heaving with each breath and his nails biting into Soda's shoulders. Johnny's laughter rings out after Soda finishes him off and begins tickeling him. I crawl over to him and lower my lips to one of his tanned nipples. My tounge dashes across that hard ball and his moans send me into a frenzy. I hover over him and gaze into his dark eyes while I slip off my own clothes. I begin to cover his soft, supple thighs with kisses as Soda places his lover's head upon his lap. After a few more teasing kisses, I pull him up and help him onto his hands and knees. Soda plays with his nipples as I slip inside him.

He curls up panting while Soda grants him loving kisses. I curl up behind him and press my lips against the flesh of his shoulder. Johnny pulls Soda closer and leans back against me. I close my eyes and breathe in his wild, exotic scent. Yet dreams claim me even as I fight off the Sandman.

The flames lick at my body, the heat stirs tears in my eyes. The screams of innocents echos in my ears. My heart beats wickedly as I inhale the smoke and search for the children. Suddenly a nearly sheer form appears before me undisturbed by the blinding smoke and unbearable heat. "Perhaps the truth is that I'm actually dead, maybe you are dead too," the apperation whispers in that sensual voice that is so like the boy that lays against me. "No, we're alive! Leave me alone!" The boy shrugs those slender, familar shoulders then says "Then why don't these flames hurt us?" I shake my head muttering "This is only a dream, Johnny's alive." Then the blonde haired greaser enters wearing the leather jacket he had on when the church burned down. His blues flash dangerously and he sternly says "Kid, we're dead. Go check it out in the cemetary." I shake my head wiping at my tears.

The scene changes and I'm in the hospital. On the cot lays a badly burnt Johnny that wheezes for air. His black eyes are filed with so much pain and acceptance. I can see the truth in their words as I gaze upon him like this. "This is only a nighmare, I made this world up," I cry out sinking to my knees and sobbing in the darkness.

:Johnny's POV:

Tears streak Pony's cheeks and I remain unable to awaken him. I hear his screams, I feel his trembling, sweating form, and I sense the pain and fear radiating off of him. I hold him tighter against me praying that he'll awaken. Finanly, panicked greens flash open and stare at the wall infront of them. I shift so I can peer into his blank face and softly I say "It's okay, I'm still here." He rises to his knees and fearfully places a hand upon my face then says "Then you and Dally never went to the..." I raise an eyebrow and ask "Are you talking about that church again?" He nods looking away and with a smile I say "Dally would never go to a church and this is the first time I've beeen away form home." He smiles and snuggles against me saying "You're not going to leave us, right?" I nod and whisper "I wont leave you, I can't."


	11. Chapter 11The End

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.

Sorry for such a long wait. Writer's block, the prison the adults foolishly call school, and lack of time is at fault for the wait.

: Johnny's POV:

I watch his slender form pace up and down the loft in his jeans that fall upon his hips. His hair slips in front of his face and his greens franticly flash from me to Dally while Soda lays lazily against the wall holding me despite the occasional confused, yet icy glare he receives from Dally. "I want to see the cemetery," Pony finally says and I shake my head responding, "It won't help to answer your questions." _It's not that I don't want Pony to know why he had that dream while he was sorta unconscious, but cemeteries tend to bother me. Probably because they symbolize finality and I'm way to young to die yet. _"I have to go, Johnny," he states stubbornly and I shrug casually. "Johnny, do I actually make you happy?" I look up at him startled; I didn't want to answer his question. I lean forward to think this through and struggle with what my mind was telling me was right and what my heart felt.

I know when we get home, we'll be back to pretending that we don't like each other like we believe we do. They wouldn't understand. We'd probably get the crap beat out of us and called names, but either way we'd be on the losing side. "I don't know, Pony," I finally respond to his question and lower my head so they wouldn't see the fear in my eyes. Soda pulls me back against him and lovingly strokes my hair while his lips ghost across my neck. _This feels right this is perfect. I don't think I could live without this. _Sometimes the truth can scare someone, but for me it only made me relax even more in my lover's arms. The fact that I had tried to hold onto Ponyboy in order to protect him only made me feel slightly guilty. "Pony, you make me happy as a friend, and I'm sorry for misleading you. I'm not sorry for what we did earlier, though. I don't want to make you feel dirty or used; it wasn't like that at all. I just wont let you get hurt for something that you shouldn't be involved in anyways. Where there's no true love, there's only pain. I don't want my best friend to be beaten for my own actions," I whisper and glance up to see understanding in his eyes.

As we walked towards the car abandoning any hope of having a decent camping trip, I realize that we were heading to the one place I had been trying to avoid. _If Soda was worried about Steve killing him, then I was just as good as dead. Will Darry kick me out? What will Twobit say? Will my parents find out, what will they think? How will everyone at school act if they find out? Will Soda get fired because of me? _I stop thinking when I feel a hand press against the small of my back and Soda ask, "You gonna stay outside the car all day?" I shake my head before climbing into the back with him. Fearfully I watch as we pull away from the place that had become a sanctuary for us even if it was only for a short while. "What you going to do when we get back?" Dallas glances in the rearview mirror at me then states, "Shower and pick up girls." The look in his eyes clearly says that it's our problem to deal with, not his.

: Pony's POV:

I can barely watch Johnny sit so close to my brother, but I know he's happier. _I'm so stupid, he's in love with Soda and I was a fool to fall in love with him. Soda holds his heart in the palm of his hand and it's breaking my in two, but I can't help myself. In time I won't love you anymore and we'll be happy. _"I still want to stop at the cemetery." Dallas nods while rolling his eyes as he speeds down the street almost daring the car to crash.

We made it home in record time. I watched as Soda and Johnny separated shortly before we even entered the city. I sit in the car as they unload our bags and say, "I'll be back soon." I get out and walk towards the cemetery where I hope to get some answers. The tombs stick out of the ground taunting me with their coldness. The wind blows roughly causing me to shiver, but I move forward and stop in front of the spot where my friends would have been buried. Maybe it's the shock that their names weren't on the tombs or the cold that caused me to pass out, but I awaken in the hospital once again. Not everyone is gathered around my bed this time. Only Darry and Soda stand there.

"What happened?" My question startles them and Darry says, "You passed out in the cemetery. Steve and Twobit were walking by that way and saw you. They had to go, though." I tilt my head and demand, "Where's Johnny?" Soda shakes his head then says "He had to go to his house for something and his dad beat him. He's at home sleeping off the effects. Dallas is out on that date he said he was gonna get." I nod then ask, "Why am I in the hospital if I only passed out?" Darry nods at Soda then leaves the room. "I'm sorry. The past few days you've been here. You hit your head when you fell." I can tell that's not the only thing bothering him and tell him so. Sighing deeply, Soda admits, "You've been living a lie. You haven't even woken up from the coma yet. After the fire you were left alone for a little while, but then the feud started up once again. They picked you to jump and got you in the cemetery." I glare at him and yell, "If I made this up then why was Johnny with you and not me?" Soda shakes his head once again as tears fill his eyes and says, "You needed a reason as to why Johnny wasn't here with you. No one really knows that you loved him, not even Johnny. Johnny did know that I loved him and I let this slip one day after their deaths. That's probably why you placed him with me. As terrified as he was, he needed someone to love him and I decided to be that person, then you two ran away." His words sank into me and I shake my head in disbelief. "No, you're lying."

Two months later I actually wake up and I see the worry that was in everyone's eyes. Darry looks the worst and he glances nervously at Soda. "You woke up for a little while about two months ago and thought that Dallas and Johnny were here, Ponyboy. Do you know where you are now?" I nod and stare at Soda as he looks down at his shoes. _Stay gold, must stay gold for Johnny. Even if Johnny did love Soda and not me, I must obey his final wish. It's my own fault for not telling him how I felt. _"The fire killed them," I say calmly though my heart clenches. Darry nods and sits down beside me hugging me. Hesitantly Soda approaches and states, "You said you hated me when you woke up briefly just last month." I shake my head and hug him.

I stand before Johnny's grave with a white rose in my hand and say, "Goodbye, Johnny. I love you. I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner. I don't know what to say exactly. Maybe now I'll stop escaping into my own world while in a coma to preserve your life. I now understand that you are truly gone and that we never went camping. I don't know if you and Soda actually had a relationship, but I like to believe you did. I'd rather think that you were happy with someone even if I wasn't that person. I guess this is the end. See ya later Johnnycake." I walk away feeling happier then I had in ages.


End file.
